4 People that I would like to point out that have never let me down in any way.
1. You are my best friend. It’s as simple as that. It’s been two years that we’ve been growing closer with each other, & the longer the friendship, the more ups and downs we have. Of course, everyone does in friendships. I can only recall once that I was honestly scared for our friendship because of my mistake, but you showed me like no other friend, that you were here for the long run. You took the time you needed to forgive me, & you stepped right back into my life. I love every minute of talking with you, and spending time with you. You always know how to comfort me in my time of need. Even when you are miles away & I ask you for something, you stop what you’re doing & you’re there for me & you make me a priority. You meet me where I’m at & you carry the weight with me. It means so much to me that you are there for me. Friendship doesn’t mean always being there for someone, it’s about the good times too, & I can say we have had some of my fondest memories together. You are more then enough as a best friend. I love you dearly. You have not once let me down in this friendship, & I don’t say that to put pressure on you to never let me down because everyone does at different times, instead I say this to thank you more than my heart can grasp, & say thank you a billion for being the right friend I’ve always wanted.
2. I dig you. We have off & on text times, but when we hang out, you show me how to not have a care in the world. Some of my most relaxing and exciting times have been with you. When we went to Denny’s at 3am, that is still one of my favorite memories. You know how to skip over the stress & how to have a good time with what the world has to offer. You’re not one to be picky in what we do, but your so relaxed that taking a walk along a river keeps us content. I enjoy spending time with you. You help me escape. An escape that I need once in a while from reality, & you bring me to a place where I can act however I want & it won’t be judged & that all my pending problems are going to wait until our time is up. This i admire about you. You always know how to have a fun time, even when it seems like we aren’t doing much. You carry conversation, but one that doesn’t pick, doesn’t torment, doesn’t bring back bad emotions, & doesn’t hurt to talk about. You are a wonderful young man.
3. You miss are lovely. We’ve been best friends for years now & I can’t recall a bad moment with you. Even if at the moment something bad happened, all of our laughs & good times out weigh the bad, or we somehow always turn it into a funny memory. I love hanging out with you. We could drive across the city & back to your house, & it would turn into such a great time. You know how to make me laugh till my lungs hurt. When I get caught in emotions at times, you comfort me & you reassure me, & you give me advice, & then you proceed to doing anything to make our great time last even longer. It means the world to me that we are still so close after everything that’s happened over the last couple years. You’re such a beautiful young girl & I have loved watching you grow up. No wonder everybody wants to hang out with you, you can show even the most depressed person in the world, the best of times. You have such a special gift & I admire you. I love you so much, & I love every single time we’re together. Words don’t express the amount of laughter we share together.
4. Youu are incredible. Forget that it’s been exactly 3 months & one day right now, it feels like it’s been 3 years. You know me so well, & I’ve begun to know you so well. Everytime I see people or in movies when there’s a girl & guy best friend, I used to get so jealous. I wished so much that I could have a friendship like they do in the movies, & my heart is at rest now. You are one of my best friends, & more. You are comforting, you are loyal, you are silly, you are loving, you are intimate, you are cheesy, you are fun, you are exciting, you are stable, you are genuine, you are worthy & you are so much more. You’re more of a man than I’ve come across. You have qualities I thought I wouldn’t be able to find in someone I have such strong feelings for. I adore you. I love our phone calls. The way we talk to each other with such passion, such love. The way we connect on such a level that it blows us away. The way that you comfort me & you help me, but you point me in the right direction. The way that you can flip a switch & be goofy & help me forget the world. The way you make my cheeks hurt when I have to hang up the phone. The way that I keep myself in check because you’re always somewhere on my mind. There is so much more to you & so much more about you that I love. I couldn’t possibly list or express the way my heart has been trying to let out. All I know is I don’t want to have to ever face losing you, because I know I love you.
Apologetic Heart 10.0
Dear J.H.
I can honestly say it has been a great 3 years knowing you.
I still remember the first day we met. I posted a picture in the lounge & you commented on it saying how crazy it was that germany, the US & canada we’re in the same photograph in the picture behind me.
You were always so easy to talk to.
You were always so genuine & honest.
You didn’t care about what people said about me, you saw me how I was in your own perspective.
You grew to know me pretty well. We hung out a lot, & I remember all our late night talks.
I remember the summer nights we frustratingly tried to catch each other online with the delay in times while you were in Sweden.
I remember our conversations about traveling and you explaining how beautiful Sweden was.
I remember the goofy talks, the long nights of the pointless things we talked about.
I remember the hours we hung out and talked about everything.
You were so easy to open up to because I could trust you, & I knew after the things we went through that you wouldn’t judge me.
I considered you a best friend of the few I had.
You were always there for me. You never brought drama into my life, but you always had an open ear to listen to me.
You always cared about how I was doing, and how my health was.
You were such a lovely friend.
& I am so deeply sorry for the way I have treated you in the past months.
You say you don’t want an apology because you’re not mad, but I can’t help but feel guilty.
I am sorry that I didn’t make our friendship consistently important to me. I’m sorry I was so up & so down.
I’m so sorry for putting you through so much, and for not being a good friend.
I’m sorry I ruined something that could have been decent.
I am so sorry I ruined my chance with you.
I’m sorry you don’t see any point in being friends.
I’m sorry I immediately deleted you from everything, I just honestly couldn’t bare seeing your name pop up on everything to remind myself that you’ve chosen to leave my life.
I know we’ve barely been talking lately, so I didn’t think I would hurt this much. But tonight has been so hard on me. It has hit me so hard that you’re actually gone.
The person I cared about so much, yet failed to show.
I don’t blame you for not wanting anything to do with me. I have been a bad friend to you. I wish you accepted my apology & forgive me.
I always had the best memories with you. I couldn’t be anyone but myself when I was around you.
But now, with our lives so different, the worst part is that I know we will probably never cross paths again.
& It hurts so much that the absolute least I could do was say goodbye, and the last time I saw you was 4 months ago.
I pray you have a good life.
I care so much about you.
I miss you already.
Much love;;
Apologetic Heart 9.0
Dear A.P,
Honestly? Where do I begin.
When your name enters my mind, I draw a blank. For good and bad reasons.
When I try to determine what to say to you, I stumble on my words.
I haven’t known you long, but I’ve caught myself falling for you. The times we’ve spent together have been a mixture of good and well, not the greatest.
You’re not the usual typical guy. Normally I can spend a day with someone & I’m able to figure them out. I can define how they would react in certain situations, and how they would treat me when problems arise. But after getting to know you, I still stumbled with your actions.
I’ve never understood you; you were always a complete mystery to me.
Everything about you intrigued me. Everything about you simply made my mind scramble, my heart jump and my hands tingle.
To this day, I still haven’t been able to figure you out. I’ve collected thoughts, possible assumptions and plausible specifics about you, but in the end I still couldn’t be exact.
I know you’re a confident individual. You know who you are, & your set put on who you want to be. You know your talents and achievements, but you’re not prideful or boastful. You know your possibilities but you don’t go about ranting and raving about it.
But when it comes to personal, intellectual experiences and thoughts, I haven’t the slightest clue about you.
Relationships? That’s a blur.
You’ve told me a few things that I’ve tried piecing together, but eventually it falls apart because I’ve led my conclusions elsewhere.
You ‘re humble when it comes to compliments, but almost too humble that you don’t accept it and you let it roll off your shoulder when I try to compliment you or say something nice about your charismatic personality.
I try to do something nice for you, & maybe I’m just deaf, but you don’t really give off the vibes of being grateful for what I do and what I give to see you smile.
I don’t feel appreciated.
When a scenario happens, and I’m the one hurting, it seems that you find a way to turn it around on me so it’s my fault. So I’m the one who turns out guilty of how things happened, and you don’t validate my feelings, or hear me out. It seems as though you won’t take responsibility for doing something, or for hurting me in some sort, & it frustrates me because I’m constantly the one who apologizes, even when things aren’t my fault. I just suck it up and take the blame so that we can put things in the past and move forward.
You don’t know how frustrating it is, how much it boggles my mind with the way you react to certain things.
I’ll be honest, sometimes I just want to scream at you till you understood what you did to hurt me at times, but then I think to myself again, now why would I do that. I’m not that kind of person, so I simply let it roll off, push my feelings back and just apologize so we don’t have to fight anymore.
I’m tired of arguing whose fault and who did what to each other, it’s quite pathetic.
I never fight with anyone like the way you & I argue about mishaps and misunderstandings.
It’s pointless and unnecessary but it happens, and it comes off as if I’m the only one who truly wants to fix things and build with each other.
It seems as though I’m the only one interested in having anything.
It feels as though I’m the only one who takes blame and takes responsibility when each of us gets a pinch of neglect or hurt from the other.
It seems like I’m the only one putting in effort to sustain this friendship, or even put in for possibly building a relationship.
It feels like I’m the only one who really wants anything more, and that bothers me.
It hurts me, all of this does.
It makes me feel like I’m alone in this.
And if you read this, you’d lead your thinking into somehow making this my fault that I’m feeling like this, and that right there is my problem. How you don’t seem to bother putting yourself in my shoes for one moment to feel how I’m feelings, you just neglect my feelings and push it on me, and how it’s my fault I feel like this.
You’d probably be thinking, well, it sounds like you don’t trust me. That hurts.
That’s not the case. At all.
It’s the fact I don’t trust anyone else with you because you for some reason refuse to let anyone know you actually have feelings for someone else, why? I don’t know. Maybe because you enjoy the attention. Maybe you love having every single girl fall after you. Maybe you like to have all your options open so if someone better came along, they wouldn’t even know you’ve got feelings for someone else and they’d just feel special that oh look, he finally likes someone and it’s me ! Yeah, well I know that’s how I felt when I first met you.
I don’t regret anything we’ve had, I don’t.
You’re an indescribable, astonishing young man that I have had some great memories with.
But sometimes, it seems like once you get home, and once the internet takes over your time, you sink into that feeling of knowing that everyone is in love with you.
It seems like you just ignore the world and go along with anything some girl says because it makes them feel good, and we all know you’re not the kind of guy that would shut something down because you don’t want to be mean.
- But that’s just it.
You don’t shut anything down because you validate every girl’s feelings of wanting you to be theirs, so they assume they stand a chance with you, meanwhile you may not even feel the same.
simple way? Leading them on.
It’s a known fact to anyone, that when a guy says something outstandingly sweet to a girl, a girl can’t help but jump to conclusions of the possibility that this guy might be interested.
That’s the thing, is when a girl flirts with you, you don’t do anything to stop it. So it lets them on with flirting and you’re just enabling them to continuously do this, and they’ll easily jump to assumptions.
Thus resulting in my lack of trust with anyone else with you because you’re not doing anything about it, so they assume you’re this particularly single, perfect guy they can go after.
I’m not blind. I have the ability to analyze people and actions to the extent of being able to know what their like as a person.
So it’s simple, the way you respond to girls and the way they talk to you it’s just an cycle of enabling that goes on and leads them to thinking they have a chance.
But see – again. That’s my problem.
Maybe they do. Maybe they all stand a chance because maybe you are just leaving your options open so you’re not tied down to one person. Because I haven’t been able to figure you out, I haven’t been able to piece that solution together yet.
Maybe you are just the guy that knows everyone is after them, so you enable them so you’re not letting them down, and thus resulting in a possible chance of some of them not talking to you because you simply turned them down.
That is my problem.
My problem of not knowing you and for some reason feeling like you aren’t letting me get to know you in that way.
The worst, is when I feel like this makes sense to me, and I validate my own feelings with processing this, I sit back and think of what you’d say if you were to read this, and then I become hard on myself and force myself to believe that maybe I’m just completely wrong and this is just simply my fault, in every way.
I don’t know. I don’t know anymore.
All I know is these are just little things I have tried so hard to put together to be able to understand you in a way, and yet that’s not even everything I’m confused with.
I’m just tired of living in this cycle of being in your presence and feeling worth it to you, and as soon as you’re out of sight, and the internet sucks you in, it’s like I don’t know you anymore.
It’s like I don’t matter to you anymore, and you keep every door open just because.
It’s like, when I’m not there, you don’t have to care or think about me.
It feels like when I’m not around you I’m just not worth it.
It simply feels like when were together, I’m just a backup. A for the time being girl to you.
I get so caught up in your eyes. Your voice. Your touch. I just let myself loose to fall for you more and more, but when the time comes when we go separate ways, I just set myself up for a loss. I set myself up for feeling like I’m just another girl to you.
And that’s what hurts me the most.
Is because I can’t do anything about it no matter how hard I try.
No matter how many times I bring it up to you, or how many times I try to explain how I feel, you just make it my fault for feeling that way and make it my problem to deal with, yet you can’t help me out and somehow confirm that I’m wrong? Confirm that I shouldn’t be feeling like that because it’s not true, because you do in fact somehow like me. And comfort me and make me feel like I’m not actually alone?
I suppose not though.
& I continuously push my pathetic feelings to the side and pretend like I am as happy as I am when I’m with you, when it pains me to see the never ending comments from girls, and responses from you.
I can’t do it anymore.
I’m tired of feeling like I’m unworthy and then worthy for the time being in your presence.
So I am sorry.
I am sorry for our stupid fights and arguments.
I am sorry for the times I’ve tried to get you to take responsibility.
I am sorry for assuming things that apparently end up being my fault.
I am sorry for the times of being hurt, but taking the blame.
I am sorry for not bringing this up in fear of you not understanding.
I am sorry if I didn’t understand you at any time.
I am sorry for jumping to conclusions.
I am sorry for not being pretty enough for you.
I am sorry for maybe just not being good enough for you.
I am sorry for being pathetically clingy and attached.
I am sorry for wanting a commitment, or some sort of confirmation.
I am sorry for being confusing.
I am sorry for wanting to be a part of your life.
I am sorry for falling for you.
As much as I’ve lost the meaning of love, there’s a particular quote that says love is wanting what’s best for someone, even if it means not being with you.
Much Love;;
Apologetic Heart 8.0
Dear A.H
You miss, are such an outstanding young lady.
You have such a big heart, that I honestly can’t wait till you finally realize how special you are.
I remember when I first met you. We hated each other.
Our stupid click in middle school, with myself, your brother, my brother, Katrina, taylor and josh.
You despised us.
My brother hated you, and you hated all of us because we were mean to you. I remember Tyrell, the first year we went. You wanted to hang out with us, but my brother didn’t let you.
I felt so bad. Later on, as I began getting to know you, I felt the urge to apologize because of my brothers rude comments.
At that point, things changed.
I got to know you, and we became pretty good friends.
I remember all the instant messages all day long, sneaking and closing them when our parents crept up.
I remember sending each other songs and dibsing the hot guys as we drooled over them. Remember Rooftops – Lost Prophets? I dibs the guy with snake bites, and you fell for the blonde guy in the car.
Im sitting here laughing and shaking my head at the numerous times we wasted away our day sending pictures to each other of these guys we dreamed of having.
Eventually, thankfully, we got through that phase, and we went into hair.
We sent back and forth pictures of amazing hair, or color ideas, or this and that. We’d watch youtube videos of pictures of girls and print the screen and send it to each other.
We sent each other music, every day.
We finally passed those phases and we got into dresses. I remember one IM one day when we searched for beautiful wedding dresses, and at that time, we laughed together about how we used to drool over guys, and at that point it dissolved into drooling over amazing dresses.
We we’re pretty good friends I’d like to say.
But things weren’t always smiles and laughs.
We went through many fights. Many misunderstandings, ignorings and pain.
I remember the pointless fights about what we meant to each other, mainly on my part.
I wanted so much to be in your life. To be your best friend. I used to get mad that you were closer with other girls than me, and I remember one time when we fought about this, you told me this plan to move to Australia with a couple girls at 16 or 17 years old. I saved this conversation because I knew it’d never follow through, and I wanted to wait for a time to send it to you so we could laugh about our little mishaps.
You were there through every bad time I had, all my groundings, my pains. You would eagerly create a safe place for me to come to you and release my anger without being judged.
You always listened. Ever since I can remember knowing you, you’ve always been there.
I remember many times, when all I wanted to do was to be there for you.
I wanted so bad to be that person to you, that you could tell anything to.
I wanted to be your top, number one, no doubt best friend, and I strived every day to reach that point.
We became closer as the years past.
I wish I could recall the exact time we started becoming friends, but it must be around 5-6 years by now. Forgive my vague memory.
I remember you always being there, you were always the one I told everything to.
I told you about every dreamy guy I was infatuated with.
But I always remember you not being able to completely open up to me.
I remember you telling me about how you liked all the guys I had a thing with.
We laughed with each other about how many times I accidently fell for the same guy as you, and sometimes ended up dating them.
I remember you telling me how you wanted to give up liking someone when I knew them because you felt hopeless, but if only you saw yourself like I see you.
I always had this feeling that the reasons you never told me about guys, or anything about those areas was because you didn’t want me to get involved, and possibly end up interfering. I don’t blame you, I mean we both agree on the number of people this has happened with, and when I first started feeling like you did this, I wanted to back off.
I feel like I remember us being closest when I was dating someone. That way, you could tell me anything about anyone and I wouldn’t happen to know them and have something going on. That way, you trusted me more. I don’t blame you, at all.
But I always wanted to be there for you. Always.
I wanted to be the person you’d message in the night saying how this happened, or how this person made you feel, even if you didn’t want advice, just someone to listen. I’ve rarely felt like this was capable, and I wish I could change this.
We became closer and closer.
We fought, and we definitely had periods of time where we just didn’t talk to each other, not being we’re mad, or because of something that happened, but I guess just because we’re both carrying on in life and are occupied with other things. I don’t like this. & we’re in that settlement right now actually.
We’re not mad, just…. Busy.
I admit, I get so jealous when I see you write to other people because of the passion and the love in your voice. I want that to be for me.
I’m jealous of your relationships with other people, because I want that to be with me.
I want to be your best friend, someone you can trust, with everything.
I want to be your best friend, that you don’t have to second guess about telling me something and having it leak out.
You have trust issues, I know. You’ve been through so much, and I wish I could have been there for you through those times. But sometimes I just feel like as much as we’re deep in friendship, I feel like we’re more superficial.
We have such great memories, all the time.
Everytime were together, we have such a blast, and we laugh and laugh. We forget about the world, and we act careless and fearlessly.
But I feel like that’s all were about.
I want to be your best friend on a deeper level.
Im sorry if I did something in the past that may have altered your trust with me. Im sorry if I said something to offend or hurt you in the past. Im sorry if I wasn’t there for you when you needed me. Im sorry I couldn’t protect you from the pain that was inflicted. Im sorry I couldn’t be there for you through the heart aches. Im sorry if you don’t trust me as much as other people. Im sorry if you don’t want to spend time with me more often than not. Im so sorry if I wasn’t a good friend at any point of being present in your life.
I love you. So much.
You’re one of my best friends, and I trust you with a lot.
I hope I can show you somehow you can trust me.
I hope you can come to see how much I want to sustain a strong friendship with you.
I hope we can become closer. I hope you can feel safe in coming to me about anything.
Im sorry if I haven’t been all that you need as a friend.
Im always here, and always have been.
I love you dearly, and I hope for the best.
You’ve been through a lot of hard times, and it makes me happy to see you got through them stronger on the other side.
I’ve loved every bit of getting to know you, and spending time with you. Especially the fights because we always worked it out, and always came out stronger.
I love watching you grow, from who you are today to who you were when we first became friends. And im so honored to be a part of your life today.
I wish you could believe me when I tell you how amazing you are.
You’re absolutely astonishingly beautiful. Even those beautiful brace faces’ you look at me with in the middle of a movie. I love you. I love us.
I really love our times together. I don’t recall there ever being a time we’ve hung out and haven’t laughed out insides out.
The faces, the blonde moments, the laughs and giggles. The retarded comments, the immaturity.
The ideas that we come up with.
The things we do in general.
I mean come on. Who gets slurpee’s and waves to a car of good looking guys, and drives away, and two blocks away turns around to stalk them & end up parking close by blasting music to possibly get noticed and drives off waving like idiots at them? We do.
Our car rides, are probably some of my favorite memories. And the times spent late at night in your room.
I miss you,
&
I love you.
Much love;;
Apologetic Heart 7.0
I don’t know if you’ll read this, but if you do… then please have a humble heart and try to understand my perspective.
Forgive the length.
Dear You.
You know who you are.
I’ve been meaning to write an apology to you, but every time my fingers hit the keyboard, every thought vanishes.
I wonder where to begin, where do I start?
I have so much to say to you, some good, and some bad. Some that may hurt you, and something’s that you need to hear.
I love you, okay?
I’ve known you basically all my life. You know me just about inside out.
I shared everything with you. I shared my entire being with you. I gave you my all.
I put so much into, and poured so much into our friendship.
I gave, and I gave and gave, and I gave some more. I gave you everything I had. I’d like to think I’ve done so much to you, but sometimes your lack of appreciation gets to me, and makes me wonder if I did any good at all.
I spent more time with you, than I had with anyone else this summer. I put more time into you, when I could have put it into everyone else that cared for me. I risked so much for you. I laid everything on the line for you. I lost countless hours of sleep because of you. I lost concentration because of you. I lacked focus in so many areas because of you.
I tried, so hard to give you everything.
& I don’t know where to begin to apologize for everything that happened. Every hurtful word I said and didn’t say. Every hurtful action I unintentionally did to you. Every painful memory you have had. Every painful thought.
I am truly sorry.
The worst part is how I had the same thing happen to me, and it’s been over a year and a half and I’m still in phase one & I know how painful it is, yet I did it to you. I understand your pain. I really do.
The situation is completely different, but I know how brutal it is to have someone you love with everything in you, simply walk out the door and easily move on, while you’re waiting behind, begging for an answer as to why they just left.
I’m sorry.
I needed space. & I still do.
I put up with many mental abuses you shot towards me. I put up with your alcohol addiction, your weed addiction. I cared so much for you. I cared so much that I would stop talking to you to show you how much it hurt me that you did those things to yourself.
I tried so hard to show you how I hated your drinking because of what it did to you, and to us. You never took it seriously and I gave you multiple opportunities, as well as help, to change and turn away from it, but you still chose that over me.
I put up with coming to see you one morning and having two drunk girls tell me you were upstairs.
I put up with your continuous drinking every weekend.
I put up with your countless times of portraying you were going to leave because of your insecurities.
I put up with your reckless texts. I put up with waking up every weekend to fifteen texts stating how I should move on, how I’m too good for you, how I’m selfish and you wondering how I could hurt you.
I put up with some incredibly harsh words.
The worst part is the countless times you tell me how things you say in those drunken moments, aren’t true, when everybody knows drunk words are sober thoughts. It pained me to hear those crucial words come from your mouth every week.
I feel like I’ve put up with a lot. And with the unlimited times of a mixture of disheartening words, poor actions, foul language, and many times of broken friendship, I put up with it all. I tried to forget all the bad things, and remind myself of how you made me feel, and the good times we spent together.
There came a time I just couldn’t handle it anymore. I know I broke your heart, after putting everything on the line for you, and I know how hard of a hit it was, but what you don’t realize is what I’ve gone through afterwards.
You think I’m all smiles. That I could be happy, and still move on.
I’m pretty damn good at faking it I suppose.
It killed me a little more every day that passed. I know what I did, and I was forever full of apologies.
I wanted to fix things, and sustain the friendship we had before, but you just didn’t let me.
From that point on, all we did was fight. I know you know this; there is no hiding the fact that every text had a raising voice of anger and dread in it.
I know that from your perspective, the person who meant everything to you, broke up with you. But what you don’t realize is what I did, how I risked absolutely everything to make you happy for a short time, and I broke it off because I wanted to stay friends. I didn’t want to lose you. I didn’t want to risk anything anymore with the possible chance of being in so much trouble as to never being able to talk to you again, therefore I broke things off so I could for the least amount, be able to talk to you, but that didn’t cut it for you.
From that point onward, I listened to everything you had to say.
I shut my mouth, and I soaked every hurtful word, every truthful emotion from you, into my soul.
While you forced every bit of anger into your text messages, I sat on the other side of my phone, reading them in humility. Reading them and crying because of what I had done to you.
I took all the blame. I took the shame. I took every issue and I took full responsibility for what I had done, and how I made you feel.
I blamed myself, and everything on myself.
I believed every word you said. How I was selfish. Hopeless. A heartbreaker. A liar. Someone who wants to get with everybody. Someone who didn’t care about anyone’s feelings. Heartless. Emotionless.
I heard it all, and I believed you.
Time passed when I began to give up trying to win you back as my best friend.
I tried. I tried so hard, but every time I tried, you shut me down, and you pushed me away.
I understood, completely. But I truly didn’t believe you’d end everything we put into each other, just because of a break up because I wanted to still have you in my life. I didn’t believe you would push me away as much as you did, so I began to give up.
As time kept moving forward, I tried everything to forgive myself, but I never could. Every harsh word you said pushed to the front of my mind and cycled through my ears. Your disappointed voice ran through my head, over and over.
I was hopeless, so the only thing I could think of was to pretend.
I pretended like I was okay. I pretended like you didn’t hurt me as bad as you did. I pretended like I could handle you shoving me away after what I had done, because I deserved it.
I pretended to have bitterness when someone talked about you, or when I read something from you. I pretended like I could move on.
I guess I did a pretty damn good job because you believed it.
Over time, you started to heal, so I thought. You were ready to be friends again, but I wasn’t.
Truthfully, I was never over anything you said. Those words ran through my veins every waking minute.
As you tried to forgive me, and make things work, I pushed you away because I was sick of the abuse, and the words, and the hurt.
I was sick of hearing how I never did anything for you. I was sick of hearing how heartless I was to break up with you. I was sick of hearing how many times I lied when I said you meant everything to me and that I loved you, when really I meant it with every part of me. I was sick of you pushing me away when I tried to make things work. I was sick of the words you forced me to believe of myself.
I became cold. My heart became stone.
I didn’t want to go through it again. I was sick of you telling me one thing, and the opposite five minutes later. I was sick of hearing how I never cared, and then hearing I meant everything to you, how could I do that to you. I was sick of hearing how emotionless I was, and how brutal it was that I could move on, and then hearing you tell me to be happy, to go on and do whatever makes me happy.
I was so sick of the mixed messages. One thing this, one thing that.
I love you, but I hate you. I hate how heartless you are and I hate that you lied to me. I hate that I meant nothing to you and that you didn’t try at all with me. But I love you with everything in me, you should forget about me, go be happy, do whatever you want, you have potential, do this, do that.
How was I supposed to know what to do?
You yell and scream and tell me all these bad things about myself, and tell me lies about how I was the one that didn’t care, and how I was the one that thought of you as just another person, and then back to back you tell me to forget about you.
What did you want me to do? Embrace you? I tried. I tried everything, and you pushed me away, so I gave up. I was done with my every effort.
But then when we did talk, and fix things, you would still get mad at me for not putting in as much effort as I did before. You would send me countless messages getting mad at me that you didn’t mean anything to me, and how I don’t care, when I had nothing left in me. I was worthless. I was so drained that I couldn’t pour anything out anymore.
Fighting is all I knew us to be.
I was with a friend at one point, and you texted me. Same harsh words, same broken sentences. Same thing as before, with countless texts being received. I couldn’t keep up, so I left my phone on a couch and tried to pretend to be happy with my friend. I find my phone after a few hours, and there’s fifteen texts from you. Anger filled every one of them. I didn’t have the energy to text you back and try to convince you of things you made me believe about myself.
I didn’t have anything in me.
To be honest, I didn’t have interest in replying because all there was going to be was name calling, yelling and hurtful words sent back and forth between us.
I had thought things would settle down, and they did, to extent.
Until you let things build up in you again, and you exploded on me yet again. This time, it was the worst.
I tried to sleep, but my phone kept going off, text after text from you. When I finally fell asleep, I woke up at 4am to another eleven texts. These were different from the past. These ones, I could honestly feel the tension in your voice.
The hate. The anger. The frustration. The disappointment.
You hated me. You wanted to make my life miserable. You projected how selfish I was. How untrustworthy and dishonoring I was. You left me with stating how you won’t care with leaving the earth with your death on my conscious. You stated how much of a liar I was. You told me to fuck off. You stated how careless I was. You told me how emotionless I was and that I didn’t care about anyone. On top of that, you told me I was more fucked up than you ever imagined.
Thank you.
I’m not sure how someone could say these things, and not mean them.
That was the last I could handle, therefore, out of pure agony and hurt, I left. Something I swore id never do, but there was no possible way I could go on another day with someone saying these things to me. How was I supposed to go about one day knowing that someone who meant everything to me, simply refreshed my memory of how horrible I was?
That only made you more mad, and I understand that. I know that hurt, but try taking those words, including everything else harsh you said to me and have those come out of my mouth, for you. Then tell me what you would do in a position like that. If it were anyone but me, they would have been gone way before the fighting started, and you know that to be true. You know what you did to me, what you said to me, and how I still had yet to stray from your side, but this did it.
I was done.
I tried so hard to forget those words, but they haunted me in the night.
You hurt, I hurt.
You hurt because of my disappearance, and you thought you didn’t mean anything to me.
I hurt because of the truth in your words; I left because you meant so much to me that I was so hurt I couldn’t bear it.
That still didn’t stop you from saying things. I read every post, every word about me.
And to be honest, yes, it did piss me off over the top that you decided to start becoming best friends with my best friend; I mean come on, really? You really had to do that right after everything we went through?
You say you always acknowledge my efforts, and all the things I do and did for you. Your right, you did. When you wanted to. When you were happy, and loving and caring, yes you remembered the things I had done for you. But when I did something wrong, the overflowing words of how I didn’t put any effort into you, how you didn’t mean anything to me, and how I didn’t care, came flowing from your mouth.
That hurt.
I recognized everything you did for me. I physically complimented all the appreciation I had for you. You know I did a lot, you know I put in so much for you. And yet you still chose to believe your own lies about how I didn’t care and how you meant nothing, you still chose to believe yourself over my own actions.
You made me feel unbearably guilty when you left that present on my doorstep.
Shame washed over me.
Guilt washed over me.
I became humble, and I began blaming everything on myself again, every little thing. Believing every little word you had said about me.
I broke, and I called you to apologize.
I thought things went well, and I had thought you changed. I made myself believe you had changed, so that I could have you back as a close friend.
I wanted to believe it.
And I did at first.
I thought you were different. I thought you had forgiven me for my unintentional break up to save our friendship. I thought you had forgiven me and was finally ready to be friends again.
So I apologized, I took the blame, I tried.
I tried to let things roll back into how they used to be, and they were fine, for a while.
Until everything somehow just ended up falling apart in my hands.
You began the mixed messages. The push and pull texts. Saying one thing, and then saying the opposite.
I didn’t know how to take it, but I tried.
You began breaking down, saying you couldn’t do this.
I thought maybe you’d rather have me as a friend, than not have me in your life at all. So I tried really hard to make amends with you.
But it just wasn’t enough.
Just like it never was. Nothing I did was ever enough. You say it was, you say being friends was enough, you said doing this or that was enough.
But it wasn’t. It was never enough for you, you just wanted everything back and as much as you said this was enough, it wasn’t and you know it wasn’t.
Therefore, things went back to the way they were.
You settled back into old habits. We started arguing over things that happened, feelings, and emotions.
I began seeing how you didn’t change like I thought.
I was crushed. I wanted to have you back in my life. I missed you so much.
I tried so hard to make things right again, but that just didn’t cut it.
Drunken words filled my inbox once again.
Back to your own victim spirit. The one that drags you down like nothing I’ve seen before.
You fall into this hole of self-pity. You fall into this victim spirit where you find every single thing wrong with you and you use it against yourself, as well as me. You pick yourself apart, every bad thing, everything you hate about yourself. You never listen to the good people have to say about you, but you soak in every bad thing you think about yourself, and you dwell in it. You dwell in that puddle until it soaks up into your veins and flows through your every thought.
You shut out any compliment anyone tries to give you, and you feed off your own lies, and you feed off the lies unhealthy people tell you.
You’ve given me everything you have, and I’ve realized that. I’ve tried to protect that, and care for you since trying to fix us. And somehow, just being friends and building back to the way things were, isn’t good enough. And I’m afraid it never will be because of what’s happened.
I’m tired of your self pity to be honest. I’m not trying to be mean, but it’s about fucking time you change your life.
Stop sitting on your bum and dwelling on every lie you force into your skull.
Realize what you have. Start being positive. Start fucking listening when people tell you how much you mean to them. Start listening to people when they try to help you out of your own battle with yourself.
Stop sitting in bed at night and yelling at yourself for ever mistake you’ve done. Stop sitting at night and dwelling and forcing every lying thought into your head. Stop being in that victim spirit for goodness sake.
I don’t want to say this, and I mean it in the nicest way possible, but grow up.
Man up.
Stop moping around and finding the bad in absolutely everything you do and everything that happens around you.
Start making changes. The reason you sit and you think about the bad in your life is because you’re in the victim spirit, and as much as you hate saying how miserable you are, there’s something that you love about battling yourself with lies.
It’s not easy, but it’s doable.
So stop spending time with people who destroy your character, and start listening to people who speak truth into your life.
Start thinking positive, and start listening to the good things people say about you. As hard as it is, start forcing yourself to believe the TRUTH people are saying rather than the LIES you’re telling yourself.
I want to help you, and I have tried my entire time of being present in your life.
You always resource to the things that tear you down, or people that ruin your self-esteem, fucking stop it.
Get off your ass and do things you love, start living a life, instead of living in the misery you, yourself puts you through.
Seriously, stop it.
I’ve tried everything to help you. I’ve tried everything to make you believe these things already and it just, it’s not working and I’m honestly sick of hearing the lies you tell yourself, and putting every effort into trying to make you realize you’re listening to your own lies.
Find good people, because the people you call your good friends, aren’t ones to build you up.
I’ve put so much into you. I’ve really poured half of myself into you and I just don’t have anything left.
I don’t have energy to fight back with every eight page text you send me, I don’t.
I don’t have time to text you five pages to tell you to snap out of your self-depression.
I want to help you, but you need to start finding people to listen to because I’m obviously not one of them.
You listen to me to an extent, when you’re happy, and when I make you happy. But as soon as one single thing slips, or you take one thing out of perspective, you sink yourself into this victim spirit that even I can’t get you out of.
I love you. I do.
I care about you, so much. & everything I said was true.
People change, and I’m trying to.
You need to start focusing on getting yourself out of those lies you feed your self-esteem, and finding people who input good into you.
I’m sorry if you never thought I cared, because I do.
I’m sorry if you think everything was a lie, because it wasn’t.
I’m sorry if you wanted to make my life miserable as I made yours, my life is.
I’m sorry for being selfish, I’m working on it.
I’m sorry for being heartless, I’m working on it.
I’m sorry for hurting you; I’ve tried to fix things.
I’m sorry if this is my fault for making you think these lies you tell yourself, but you really have got to change.
I’m sorry for everything, and everything I put you through.
I’m not leaving you, but I don’t think it’s healthy that we keep whatever it is we have, going.
I’m here for help, or if you want to vent.
But please, leave the lies behind. Please, stop telling me how I should go and be happy. Please, stop telling me how worthless you are and all those lies. Stop it.
I’ve always been here for you, and I will continue to be to an extent.
I’m done with fighting and arguing, its time things start to change.
Much love;;
Apologetic Heart 6.0
Dear A.T
Your wonderful.
When I first met you, I couldn’t help but fall for you. Your smile. Your eyes. Your adorableness. Your genuine heart. Your vulnerable spirit. Your loyalty. Your willingness. Your open arms. Did I mention your smile?
Your honestly and truly an incredible individual, and the more I think about your qualities, the more I realize how amazing you are.
I miss you, so much.
I miss the nights we talked for hours. I miss the nights we’d listen to each other. I remember one night, you called me because I was hurting. I was broken because of my parents divorcing, and you comforted me.
You listened to me rage about my careless mother, and you listened to me while I ranted about my high-standards father. You listened to me complain about my hopeless life, and you listened to me share my painful past.
I became vulnerable to you. I became open, true and honest to you, and you took me, and you held me.
You didn’t judge me. You didn’t laugh at me.
Instead, we connected on a level that I didn’t know anyone else could feel.
I remember freaking out and telling my best friend about that 2 hour phone call when we both expressed how we feel about friendship and relationships and we didn’t realize how much we had in common.
I remember the times I came over, and we cuddled on your couch and watched movies. Up. Final Destination.
I remember the walk to the park across your house at 11pm taking your dog for a run. And you opened up, and you told me about your past. I hugged you. I swore to you my phone would be on all night in case you ever needed to call. Your hug warmed me on the inside.
I dont know what happened. I’ve heard we lost communication because I turned you down, but you never did ask me out. I had the same feelings towards you, as you did for me, but somehow we still began to drift.
I remember seeing your face in the crowd of Lights this summer at stampede, and the smile that came upon my face was for you.
I miss you.
I am so honored to know you.
I’m so sorry for whatever I did. I am so sorry.
I’m sorry we lost communication. I’m sorry if you thought you were a bother, you weren’t. You were a very very close friend & you still are.
I am so thankful to have you back in my life, and I’m even more thankful that you agreed upon not losing communication again.
I am so thankful for you.
The first time I texted you, after many months, the first thing you asked was if I was okay. I wasn’t at that moment, and you recongized it, but I still brushed it off, but that made me so happy. To know that you still cared, still wanted to be in my life.
Your such an incredible human.
Your very, very few of the people I can tolerate, and that I truly, honestly believe care for me.
I am so thankful for you.
Thank you, for being you.
For being the most genuine and vulnerable boy I’ve ever met.
Thank you, for being so loving and caring.
You never cease to overwhelm my comprehension of friendship.
You’re truly, absolutely, honestly, 100%, indescribable and amazing, and I will do anything to show you that.
You deserve the world, you deserve so much, and I pray you seek the best and never settle for less. Your much too special.
You much too worthy.
Your much to giving to the world.
My own mind can barely comprehend how wonderful you are.
Much love;;
Apologetic Heart 5.0
Dear S.C
I am so sorry.
Im sorry for all the pain and chaos I’ve caused you.
Im sorry im such an imperfect daughter.
Im sorry I screw up more often than not, and Im sorry I cant live up to your expectations.
Im sorry Ive gone behind your back and rebelled. Im sorry for not working hard enough. Im sorry for not getting better marks in school.
Im sorry for not being wise enough to make the right choices.
Im sorry for not telling you the truth, and hiding things from you.
Im sorry for all the continuous nights I pretend to be asleep when you come in, just so I can hide my swollen, red eyes.
Im sorry for not spending every night with you.
Im sorry for not being grateful enough. Im sorry if I mistreated using your vehicle.
Im sorry for not doing enough for you, and showing you how much I love you.
Im sorry for not doing everything you like.
Im sorry for not being as strong as you are.
Im sorry for not keeping up on my chores.
Im sorry for being the abrupt daughter that always caused you brokeness.
Im sorry for all the pain for the last 4 years.
Im sorry im not innocent.
Im sorry for making you so unhappy with me that some days, you don’t even look at me.
Im sorry for being so awful, that you don’t want anything to do with me.
Im sorry for being so disrespectful, that you don’t care what i do anymore.
Im sorry Im irresponsible.
Im sorry I dont show enough appriciation.
Im sorry Im not over not having a mother.
Im sorry for not engaging more with you.
Im sorry for not coming to you with my problems.
Im sorry for complaining about my health, and about my emotions.
Im sorry for complaining about anything.
Im sorry for being a screw up.
Im sorry for not doing things the right way.
Im sorry for not following your dreams.
Im sorry for not being in line.
Im sorry for being too sarcastic.
Im sorry for not being loving enough.
Im sorry for not being affectionate enough.
Im sorry for not being caring enough.
Im sorry for not asking you the odd time how your day was.
Im sorry for all the things you dont know.
Im sorry for dishonoring you.
Im sorry for mistreating you.
Im sorry for everything Ive done to you.
Im sorry.
Im sorry.
You hate the words Im sorry,
but I Am Sorry.
Sorry for being the imperfect person I am.
Much love;
Apologetic Heart 4.0
Dear S.C
My dear brother.
I miss you so much.
Today, today you actually asked me to hang out. For once. For once after a year and five months. It was probably because my birthday is in a few days, and we used to spend it together every year.
I miss you.
I wonder to myself, if you ever remember all the little things we did.
I wonder if you ever miss me like I miss you.
You were my brother, you were my best friend. And with leaving, you left my heart. I barely know you anymore. You continuously hurt me when you cancel on me last second and think Im ohkay.
Im sorry.
Im sorry if I wasn’t the greatest sister. Im sorry if I wasnt always there for you. Im sorry for the stupid fights we had, even though they grew us closer.
Im sorry Im not a priority in your life anymore. Im sorry Im not good enough.
Im sorry Im not cool enough, or old enough.
Every year. Every year on my birthday we used to spend the entire night together, whether it was playing Halo all night till 2 am, or just laying in bed listening to the latest music.
Last year, I didn’t see you either. It’s been a year and a half, and nothing has changed.
Why can’t you come home.
I miss you.
I miss us.
I miss our relationship. How close and connected we were.
Now our relationship is based on back and forth text messages that rarely ever happen anyways.
Why do I have to fight my heart out to just be in your life. Why don’t you fight for me. Why can’t you miss me like I miss you.
Why. Why did you leave me. Why did you have to hurt me like this.
We always have such a great time together when we actually spend time together, why can’t you just make an effort to spend one day with me.
I was broken, for so long. And I finally started giving up on asking you to spend time with me, and now you ask me, why, because its my birthday?
Well, I wish it was my birthday every week if it meant you putting in effort to see me.
It’s such a shame we’ve grown so far apart.
Im sorry.
Much love;
Apologetic Heart 3.0
Dear M.L,
I’m sorry for everything I put you through.
You cross my mind often, and I remember every time we spent together. I remember my birthday, just short a week of a year ago. I remember the times we sat beside the river in the valley at the sunset spot. I remember last new years, and the the following day of spending the entire day with you & your family. I remember all the nights in your car. I remember all the wednesdays. I remember all the times with you. I remember all the little things I made you, I remember you treating me.
We’ve gone our separate ways now, but that doesn’t mean I dont miss you and miss how things used to be.
Relationships always screw things up, but it was worth it for those 7 months to be honest. You were so special to me, and you still mean a lot to me to this day.
I hear about how your doing, and I hope you do well. I pray you find someone special. We’ve both changed drastically, but your still a wonderful young man.
Even though we went through a really hard time, you still ask me how I am, and your still there all night talking me through things.
I honestly appreciate you. I appreciate everything you’ve done, and you still do.
Im sorry I broke your heart. Im so sorry I hurt you.
I’m sorry I caused such a mess. I know I did the same thing to you as I did to my ex bestfriend.
I manipulated every fight to make it seem like your fault, but it wasn’t. Ever.
You always just wanted an explanation. And maybe you didn’t always come to me before making assumptions, but we always worked it out even if it took days.
Things were so great for the first few months, and the last month things just started, well I was the one who broke it.
I’m sorry for things that went on with my friend. Im sorry I didn’t understand or take to heart how I made you feel when you found me at the mall with my other friend. Im sorry for breaking up with you that night in your car. Im sorry for all the times I made it seem like things were your fault. Im sorry I pushed you away so much afterwards. Im sorry I was so rude weeks after.
I am sorry.
I would blame it on the fact of my parents divorce, but I know it was my responsiblility regardless, therefore I am sorry for everything that happened.
I know Ive apologized to you a couple times, and I guess this will be my last, but I wish you knew how sorry I truly am. And how I really pray your happy.
We’re both so busy with our separate lives, but I hope you’re family is well, and your life is going as you wish. I hope you find someone who will make you incredibly happy, because you deserve it.
You loved me so much, more than I think I could even handle. You were my true first, my true actual relationship, and I yours, and I dont regret anything even though things have turned out this way.
I ran, because that’s what I know best. I’ve learnt from a bad role model, and I’ve been finding it’s not helping me as much as it’s never helped her, and Im trying to change that.
Thank you, for everything you’ve done for me. Especially for always being here for me, it means a lot.
Thank you, for loving me.
Thank you, for growing me.
Thank you, for showing me how to love.
Thank you, for putting me first in your life, for making me feel like a million dollars.
Thank you, for all the wonderful memories.
Thank you, for being a great friend.
Thank you, for being the great boyfriend I wanted.
Thank you, for still being considerate and caring.
Thank you.
Much love;
Apologetic Heart 2.0
To: Mr. B.B
You are an interesting fellow. I thought we hit it off great.
We saw each other a few times a week, we spent nights together, we went on lunch dates. You’d buy me things, I’d buy you things.
You were fab at first.
But something happened, and I wish I knew what I was apologizing for, but I don’t.
Something happened that somehow your light switched turned on and you realized, what, that I’m going to be just as un-important as the last who knows how many girls?
I fell for you hard, I admit. It was only weeks and you had me winding my string around your finger, and I hate to say it, especially how cliche it is, but you really did hurt me.
So forgive me if I somehow offended you, or hurt you. Maybe I didn’t seem as interested after you no show-ed me two times, I’m sorry I didn’t get my hopes up afterwards. I’m sorry if my happy birthday didn’t mean anything. I’m sorry if you somehow came to your normal, emotionless guy self, as many others, and I just didn’t do it for you.
I cared about you. I really did. I was there for you every day that was bad, I was there to listen to you. I always waited for your replies. I texted you every morning. I treated you to dinners. I drove across the city to see you. I got tickets to go to GF together. I drove you around. Was I your puppet?
I’m sorry.
But, in all honesty, I’m actually more sorry for you.
I feel sorry for every girl that you’ve already done this to, like you mentioned.
I feel sorry for you because you might juts get a reputation from this nonsense, and you might just end up alone, untrusted.
I feel sorry for you because you lost me. I didn’t loose you, no. I could have had you, in fact I did have you. But somehow, in that little brain of yours, you decided to screw me over like the others. I feel sorry for you.
I’m hurt, yes. But I’m so over you. I can’t believe what you did to me, and how you used me, yes. But I’m so over you.
If you came back to me today, & talked to me, I wouldnt even answer. Because no offense, but I deserve way better. I deserve someone who actually cares and wont use me, and wont make up pathetic excuses.
I hope your happy with what you’ve become, because I dont know if anyone else out there will be.
I really could’ve helped you, and it saddens me to see you like this, but in reality, you deserve to be screwed over, just to make up for what you’ve done to countless other girls, including me.
I’m sorry, I will say this as nice as I can, but I don’t care about you anymore.
Much love;;
Apologetic Heart 1.0
Dear J.M,
I wish sorry was enough, but its not, and it wont ever be.
The more I’ve been thinking about you, the more I read our old conversations, the more I come to realize how much of a mistake I made. I realize now what I put you through.
I realize now that, because you put me through hell, was just the response I got after hurting you, over and over.
I want to apologize for everything. I couldn’t list everything, even if I had all the time in the world, but I know what I’ve done, and it aches my heart just thinking about it.
I pushed you away. I was so scared to let you in after the first time, that I pushed you away everytime you got close enough to hurt me again. I was stubborn, and I was controlling. I was demanding, and I was straight out rude.
You gave me more than love. You gave me everything I ever wished, and when things were going so great, I ran. I tore you apart, and I made it seem like it was your fault. I pushed you away more than I grasped onto you. I am so sorry.
You listened to me while I talked about other people, you watched from afar. You never pushed me, you only constantly gave me your love, your kindness and your heart. You continuously wanted to be in my life, even though I hurt you and took away your world. You stood by my side, through the weary nights, you held me steady through the storms, and in return I still manipulated every fight into making you think it was your fault. Your apologies would be pages long, and mine also, but it’s truly hard to forgive myself for what ive done to you.
You gave me your world. You wanted nothing more than to hold me close and protect me and love me, and I pushed you away every time.
Eventually I’d come around again, and start pulling you closer, opening myself to you, until you embraced me like I always wanted in my heart, and then I turned around and pushed you away.
You never understood, and honestly neither did I. I didn’t know what I wanted, even though it stood in front of me. I was blinded.
After a year you started breaking, and I could see it. I tried to grasp you closer, but you began to push me away because all the hurt finally caught up to your vulnerable heart.
And you ended up leaving. After everything I did to you and put you through, I don’t know how I couldn’t have expected it. I read every email, every text we sent back and forth and I cried for days. Months, one year. I never got over you. I never forgave myself.
No matter how many apology letters I wrote to you in that year, it was nothing I could do to bring you back. You protected yourself from my inflicted pain, and I don’t blame you.
Many times you came back, willing to make things work, but I was bitter. I gave you a cold shoulder to protect myself because of your disappearance. It was my fault. Every fight, every break up, every battle, every loss. It was all my fault. All you did was stand beside me, and when I began to fall, you caught me before I hit the ground. All you did was love me until you had nothing left to give. Until you got tired of being taken advantage of.
I am so sorry. I am so sorry for the fights, and the manipulation, the hurt I caused you. I am so sorry I hurt you so much, you ended up doing the one thing you swore would never come to be, leaving.
I pray for you always.
I saw you yesterday, and you were glowing; shining; full of beauty.
I couldn’t bare your flawless face, all the memories flooded my mind as I took one look at you. Regret is what filled my heart. Bitterness, but not towards you, but towards myself. Hatred of myself. How I could have ever done this to you, bewilders me.
You were everything. Absolutely everything to me, and I took you for granted because you loved me too much. I apologize. I am so sorry.
My biggest regret was you. Was what I had done to you, because to this day, its been a year and a half later since you moved on, and I am still pondering what I could do to get you back. But im to intimidated. Im too scared to even face you.
Truth is, I love you with all my heart.
Truth is, you mean more to me, than anything.
Truth is, no one could ever replace you.
Truth is, I mourn the day I lost you.
Truth is, I miss you more than anything.
Truth is, I would walk across the world if it meant to spend one minute in your presence.
Truth is, I’m not over you.
Much love;
I am so sorry.
I am so sorry for everything I’ve done to you.
I know I can’t just make things right, I wish I could make it up to you.
But I am truely sorry.
I am sorry for the times I never opened up.
I am sorry for that night.
I am sorry for shutting your feelings down everytime you tried to talk to me.
I am sorry for not understanding.
I am sorry for being inconsiderate and rude.
I am sorry for hurting you in so many ways.
I am sorry for not listening to you.
I am sorry for acting like I didn’t care.
I am sorry for not reminding you what you mean to me.
I am sorry for not validating your feelings and bringing up my own.
I am sorry for shutting you down.
I am sorry for the misunderstandings.
I am sorry for the complications.
I am sorry for the rumors.
I am sorry for what I put you through.
I am sorry if I hid things from you.
I am sorry for making your feelings not important.
I am sorry for causing all these fights.
I am so sorry for being inconsiderate.
I am so sorry.
I finally understand.
Its true, you never know what you have until you loose it.
I am so sorry for everything I’ve done.
I am sorry for changing so much,
for becoming someone you can’t trust.
I am sorry.
Please; forgive me.
